Wednesday, August 24, 2005
The Wounded Healer
Sophie, my therapist, has given me a nickname. She calls me the “Wounded Healer”. She’s used that phrase with me so often that today I had to just accept it and call out the fact that she has given me a new name. I even went so far as to explain that this name ties me back to my Native American heritage. Consider me “Wounded Healer”!
According to Sophie, one of the biggest obstacles I deal with is living my life for me. We all know this and she is proud of me for recognizing the problem. However, it will take a lot of work in order to be able to move past it. I’m still making all of the decisions in my life based on how they will affect other people. For example, if I get invited to do something fun, my first reaction is “Who will be mad at me if I do this?” or “I would love to be a part of it, but what if “so and so” gets upset?” Whenever I tell Sophie about conversations that I’ve had with my parents or friends or boyfriend about this, she gets incensed with me. “Why do you CARE if your family or friends are upset with a decision you’ve made?? If you WANT to do something, then DO it. Stop allowing these people to enter into your mind and hinder you from stepping out of your box. You don’t owe anyone anything!” And then I always sit there more confused then ever.
We talked long and hard about this issue today and I think I’m finally getting a grasp on it. We’ve discovered that the root of the problem is that I’m putting way too much emphasis on unnecessary guilt. I’m guilty about canceling plans, I’m guilty about not including everyone in things that I do, I’m guilty just to be guilty! And enough is enough. It’s not the way to live. Especially since the people I’m feeling guilty about, don’t feel guilty about any of it. It’s a ridiculous habit that I’ve formed over the years and I’m trying desperately to break free from it.
Hence me being the “Wounded Healer”. According to Sophie, I spent so much of my childhood making sure that everyone else was happy that I never focused on how unhappy I was. I never told people about the torture I endured during high school, yet I was the first one to listen and offer up my comfort when my friends were going through their own shit. And as I’ve gotten older, the high school friends became adult friends and I find myself doing the exact same thing. It’s my way of not dealing with my own issues, while thinking that if I can somehow influence my friends into the right direction, my life will take off in the same manner. Unfortunately, that just isn’t true.
When I walked into therapy today, I had a lot on my mind. I was feeling really shaky about a few decisions I had made in my life. By the time I had sat on her couch, Sophie immediately saw right through me and was like “Tell me”. I explained the details of my decisions and her face lit right up. “Joe, I’m so proud of you! You’re stepping out of your box and meeting new people and starting a brand new life. It’s about time.” I felt so GOOD about myself. But then I told her about all of my doubts and her face screwed up. She walked me through the whole process again of finding myself again. One of these days, I swear I’ll understand that my life is for me to live and no one else. One of these days…
So while I still feel a bit shaky about some of these new changes in my life, I feel really great about the fact that regardless of my doubts, I’m going to fight the good fight and do what I think is best. And if anyone has an opinion on it, they can keep it to themselves. As they say “Talk to the hand, cuz the hot face of mine ain’t listenin!” LAME!
That’s all for today. Time to leave work and enjoy MY life for a couple of hours.
Sophie, my therapist, has given me a nickname. She calls me the “Wounded Healer”. She’s used that phrase with me so often that today I had to just accept it and call out the fact that she has given me a new name. I even went so far as to explain that this name ties me back to my Native American heritage. Consider me “Wounded Healer”!
According to Sophie, one of the biggest obstacles I deal with is living my life for me. We all know this and she is proud of me for recognizing the problem. However, it will take a lot of work in order to be able to move past it. I’m still making all of the decisions in my life based on how they will affect other people. For example, if I get invited to do something fun, my first reaction is “Who will be mad at me if I do this?” or “I would love to be a part of it, but what if “so and so” gets upset?” Whenever I tell Sophie about conversations that I’ve had with my parents or friends or boyfriend about this, she gets incensed with me. “Why do you CARE if your family or friends are upset with a decision you’ve made?? If you WANT to do something, then DO it. Stop allowing these people to enter into your mind and hinder you from stepping out of your box. You don’t owe anyone anything!” And then I always sit there more confused then ever.
We talked long and hard about this issue today and I think I’m finally getting a grasp on it. We’ve discovered that the root of the problem is that I’m putting way too much emphasis on unnecessary guilt. I’m guilty about canceling plans, I’m guilty about not including everyone in things that I do, I’m guilty just to be guilty! And enough is enough. It’s not the way to live. Especially since the people I’m feeling guilty about, don’t feel guilty about any of it. It’s a ridiculous habit that I’ve formed over the years and I’m trying desperately to break free from it.
Hence me being the “Wounded Healer”. According to Sophie, I spent so much of my childhood making sure that everyone else was happy that I never focused on how unhappy I was. I never told people about the torture I endured during high school, yet I was the first one to listen and offer up my comfort when my friends were going through their own shit. And as I’ve gotten older, the high school friends became adult friends and I find myself doing the exact same thing. It’s my way of not dealing with my own issues, while thinking that if I can somehow influence my friends into the right direction, my life will take off in the same manner. Unfortunately, that just isn’t true.
When I walked into therapy today, I had a lot on my mind. I was feeling really shaky about a few decisions I had made in my life. By the time I had sat on her couch, Sophie immediately saw right through me and was like “Tell me”. I explained the details of my decisions and her face lit right up. “Joe, I’m so proud of you! You’re stepping out of your box and meeting new people and starting a brand new life. It’s about time.” I felt so GOOD about myself. But then I told her about all of my doubts and her face screwed up. She walked me through the whole process again of finding myself again. One of these days, I swear I’ll understand that my life is for me to live and no one else. One of these days…
So while I still feel a bit shaky about some of these new changes in my life, I feel really great about the fact that regardless of my doubts, I’m going to fight the good fight and do what I think is best. And if anyone has an opinion on it, they can keep it to themselves. As they say “Talk to the hand, cuz the hot face of mine ain’t listenin!” LAME!
That’s all for today. Time to leave work and enjoy MY life for a couple of hours.
